The Inner Children that need Boundaries
As long as we are judging and shaming ourselves we are giving power to the disease. We are feeding the monster that is devouring us.
We need to take responsibility without taking the blame. We need to own and honor the feelings without being a victim of them.
We need to rescue and nurture and Love our inner children - and STOP them from controlling our lives. STOP them from driving the bus! Children are not supposed to drive, they are not supposed to be in control.
And they are not supposed to be abused and abandoned. We have been doing it backwards. We abandoned and abused our inner children. Locked them in a dark place within us. And at the same time let the children drive the bus - let the children's wounds dictate our lives.
Quote from Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls
The above passage from my book is one that I really like. It says a great deal in just a few words. It speaks to the balance that is the goal of the healing process. Take responsibility for my side of the street without blaming - me or anyone else. Feel my feelings without letting them run my life. Learn to have Love and compassion for the child that I was, at the same time I take control of my inner process in a Loving way by not continuing to give power over how I live today to my past emotional wounds.
Through integrating the Truth of a Loving Higher Power into our inner process we can start to take the shame and judgment out of the process. We can start to set boundaries with the Critical Parent voice and to Lovingly parent the wounded child places (and archetypes - i.e. rebel, maiden, etc.) within our psyche.
In order to become empowered and stop being the victim of our self it is very important to recognize the different parts of ourselves so that we can set boundaries out of the adult that has knowledge, skills, and resources, the adult that is on a Spiritual/healing path. We can access our Higher Self to be a Loving Parent to the wounded parts of our self. We have a Healer Within us. An Inner Mentor/Teacher/Wise Wizard that can guide us if we have the ears to hear. That Adult within us can set a boundary with the Critical Parent to stop the shame and judgment and can then Lovingly set boundaries with whatever part of us is reacting so that we can find some balance in the now - not overreact or under react out of out fear of overreacting.
We all have a whole family (seems like a community sometimes) of wounded components that make up our being. Having a lot of conflicting feelings within is not a sign that we are crazy - it is a sign that we have different parts of us that want different things/are reacting to different impulses. The more we get aware of those parts of us the more we can stop being an unconscious victim of those conflicting feelings.
And what is very important - and the biggest difference between the techniques that I have developed and teach from so many others - is to build a Loving ongoing relationship with those wounded parts of us. Inner child healing is not something that we do and then move on with our lives. Our wounded inner children are going to be with us for the rest of our lives. The wounds are not going to go away - they have progressively less power as we heal - but they do not go away. So it is important for us to recognize what part of us is reacting so that we can respond to that wounded part of our self in a Loving, patient, and mature way when one of our buttons is pushed/wounds is gouged.
This work is about becoming an integrated, whole, mature, adult person in action, in the way we live our lives and respond to life events and other people.
Below is a list, and short description, of some of the normal wounded inner parts of self that it is very helpful to get aware of, cultivate a Loving relationship with, and learn how to set boundaries for - we all have some aspect of most all of these within us.